1. Sign outside Spar: ‘Couple given dog’s muck ASBO.’ I just hope they put it in an envelope before serving it.
2. Campsite Unwritten Rule #1:
You will always realise that your towel is languishing back in the van just as you are about to step into the campsite shower.
4. Campsite Unwritten Rule #2:
Remember: sweatshirts are totally unsuitable as impromptu towels. A brisk rub down with the newest, bright- red addition to your wardrobe will ensure sniggers from the waiting queue, as an Elmo lookie-likie flip-flops past them. It is an embarrassment matched only by the moment someone shouts: ‘Are these yours?’ and points to some intimate item of apparel that has managed to escape your clutches and is now going down for the third time on the floor of the shower cubicle
5. I shall be forever grateful to the Surgery for introducing me to the word: ‘Otorhinolaryngology’ meaning ‘The branch of medicine that deals with the ear, nose and throat.’ Doesn’t it just roll around your mouth like the finest sherbert lemon? A close runner up in my recently expanded medical repertoire: ‘Phlebotomist’, although, on reflection, it does sound like something Johnny English might have said: